Oy.

While reading my moms blog Id figure Id start this one again, and or when I remember.
Things have pretty much sucked for the last month, from the view point of an eighteen year old girl.
Bill asked for a break, and its breaking my heart; but Im surviving and such. He says we'll be together again, but as for when, I dont know, and Im sure he doesnt either.
Prom is in a few weeks and Im really excited.
My last event as a senior in high school- save for graduation which I am working my ass off for. Im doing really well in my classes, but finding it harder to care, put fourth ample effort and not be cynical and rude to everyone but I digress.
My math is almost done, this section and one more. Im worried I wont get it all done in time before the seniors leave, so I may have to hang around and bust it out before graduation. Staying home sick today didnt really help.
Drama of the highschool cespool hasnt gotten any nicer. I thought it had reached its level cap at death threats and rumors. I was wrong. But Ive learned to let go a little at a time. Im over Veronica and all the drama she brought into my life. 5th...6th...7th(?) times the charm? At least Im learning.
I have changed a lot, I noticed, but Im not sure its all bad. I was told that Im meaner, dont care about people anymore...and thats untrue. I will still put others before myself, but Im not going to cater to everyone anymore. I despise rather heavily about 89% of my senior class and underclassmen therefore I see no point in jumping through hoops to help them. Im not going to lay down and die for everyone anymore. Did it a long time and lied to myself that it wasnt as bad as all of that...when it really was.
Im trying to make my way in the world and its not all sunshine and rainbows. Some of us actally have to work for what we want, it wont present itself on a silver platter for me to grab and place. Life isnt always fun and I can see why mommy and laurie say there is no amount of money that could entice them to return. Im ready to be out. Im done with Mariner and almost everyone in it. I want to move in, go to college, reach my goals and grow as a person, leave my mark on the world. I want to have friends again..real ones, that I can trust. Barbie always had to buy her friends, and they still sucked..welcome to my life as of late. Im messy, unorganized, loud, melodramatic, happy, pissed, depressed, bi-polar and all kinds of other things and a lot of the time I do like me.
Learning sucks. But Im taking it all in and making the best of it...its getting easier day by day.

Enough of me now.
Kathryn