I know Ive been used.

"But its okay because I like the abuse"

So let me bring you up to speed::


That "break" was to ease me into a breakup.
Im apparently a whore who committed unforgivable sins, a liar and a bad person.
Im being replaced with a junior who he met about a week ago.
Im still expected to be a friend.

I have to tell you I have no idea how to balance my emotions which at this precise moment are killing me and running a muck.
I have no idea how I can just be a friend.

Im not getting senior exemptions because Bill has an issue getting me to school on time, therefore Cook has given me 8 referrals in about 2 weeks and I had ISS....He had nothing.

Im not going to finish my math and have to take the final in there half blind and guess on the last section since I have no time to even start the final section.

The only person I want to see, spend time with, or even talk to is on another thought process entirely and thats not making my second guesses and insecurities go away...at all.

My family is under siege by a psychotic young man who in all seriousness wants to kill all of us. He tried to kill me on Easter Sunday...its no picnic.

My father is an ass and wont even go to my graduation.
Not that hes ever really been there for me or any of my achievements at all, ever, in my entire life.

My friends are dwindling and I have to go through the process of making more.
Praying my summer isnt like last year.

There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently.
I cant take anything back or I would.
I cant erase what I did.
But I didnt do it alone, he had a part too...so why am I alone being punished?
I cant change things.
I cant take away the pain or I would.
Im not perfect.
Never have been, never will be.
I made and make mistakes and Im sorry.
More than you could ever imagine.
I have to live with what I did until I die... you can eventually let it go.

Im carrying a lot around on my plate.
A plate which happens to be cracked and breaking, but in my usual fashion I wont lessen what I have because I dont want to be a burden on anyone else.

Welcome to my personal Hell Hole.
Get out while you can.